When the Shiny LUCASFILM logo appeared, the crowd cheered.  When the off teal coloured sentence “A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…” faded in, the crowd cheered.  When the familiar Star Wars theme blared in the speakers, the crowd cheered.  Five minutes later, the crowd fell asleep.  This film has the virtue of being the winner of a few categories, which unfortunately aren’t recognized by the award presenters: slowest pace, worst comic relief, and most irritating characters.  Astounding special effects will tickle the back of your eyeballs, but only if you can stay awake to see them.

The biggest problem with this movie is that George forgot to develop the characters.  We know nothing more about the popular Obi-Wan Kenobi by the end of this movie than we did before.  As for the villain, who exactly was he anyway?  Some dude with a red face shows up half way through the movie, and although he displays an incredible amount of skill and dexterity with his double-ended light saber, I didn’t hate him.  In fact, I couldn’t have cared less if he was there or not.  What I thought would be the greatest film of all time ended up being the biggest let down of ’99.  Sorry George, your film won’t be climbing my tree anytime soon, better luck next time.

The Phantom Menace places a lowly 1.5 on the Jackal Tree.

Starring: Liam Neeson, Ewan McGregor, Natalie Portman, Jake Lloyd, Ian McDiarmid, Samuel L. Jackson, Terence Stamp, Frank Oz, and Kenny Baker.  Directed by George Lucas