Why, Oh Why did they have to continue on where Superman IV: The Quest for Peace left off? The original Superman movies were great in the 70's and 80's, keep in mind - I was still pre-pubescent when Superman II hit the cinemas, so I thought it was great; back then. The third and fourth movies starring Christopher Reeve were horrible, so when I heard that there was a new Superman movie in the works I was really hoping that they would take the approach of Batman Begins, and truly start over. Unfortunately, they didn't. Superman Returns has Superman crash landing on earth after being off-world looking for pieces of Krypton and possibly survivors. Okay, so Superman Returns to earth and catches a crashing airplane, saves some people, flies around really fast and blah, blah, blah. With technology being what it is today, had they "started over" this could have been a great flick. Instead we get the same "made for 10 year olds" Lex Luthor, whom is more comical than evil; and for those of you who watch Justice League, you know just how vile this character is supposed to be. Lex Luthor once again has a really stupid female accomplice and really stupid henchmen blindly and silently following him around, one of them being Kal Penn who played Kumar (remember the stoner from Harold and Kumar go to White Castle). With a casting choice like this I felt that I should have smoked as much pod as Kumar did just to keep me in my seat to finish watching this bomb.
Folks, I am going to be very, very honest with you here when I say that the ONLY THING that kept me in the theatre long enough to get to the credits was the digital 3-D that I paid the extra $3 for. Even though it was cool to see 3-D movies making a little bit of a comeback, this 3-D was blurry, and distracting as only parts of Superman Returns was done in 3-D. We had to endure blinking lights in the bottom right corner of the screen that told us when to put our glasses on, and when to take them off. Do you have any idea how distracting it is to see 150 people putting glasses on in unison half a dozen times??? Ah well, I could rant and rave on this dud all night, but I am not going to. In fact, I am now going to stop typing and very quietly warn you that your money is better spent on expired meat products in your local grocery store. Oh wait - one last stab: Kate Bosworth really needs to put on about 20 pounds. She wears a dress size of zero, and looks like the Grim Reaper is just about to come and collect her. How many tapeworm eggs do you think she ingested to get her body fat percentage down to 2? Kate honey, comic book babes are supposed to have booty, and you don't have any! Please have an order of fries with a coke and a piece of cake, because it will go straight to your thighs and butt, which you really, really need. Superman Returns scores a NEGATIVE 2!
STARRING: Brandon Routh, Kevin Spacey, Kate Bosworth, James Marsden, Sam Huntington, Eva Marie Saint, Kal Penn, Parker Posey, Frank Langella, Ted Maynard, Marlon Brando, Ian Roberts, Peta Wilson
DIRECTED BY: Bryan Singer
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